Kundalini Housewife
By Kerry Vincent ©1994
“Wild and free” – that’s how Angie wanted to feel. But there was always more laundry to do, more dishes to wash.
When she made the bed, she wished she had silk sheets, scented with gardenia. But all she could afford was cheap percale.
Angie wanted to drink good champagne again, and nibble dark chocolate truffles by candlelight in a room of her own, but the family was always there, demanding her attention, with the TV or video games blaring, and she could never find time for herself.
Sometimes she escaped through writing in her journal, but then the phone rang, or she had to answer some e-mail, or she had a headache and couldn’t concentrate.
She wanted the sky to be a mirror of her naked body (not perfect, but not too bad for someone her age), so everyone could see her as she really was. But she was afraid of offending someone, so she dressed modestly.
Although Angie wanted to be strong and powerful, like the women she read about and admired, she had lost her courage some years ago, like a penny dropped from a worn playclothes pocket. She wanted to live on life’s edge – but she was too afraid she’d fall off forever.
She wanted to sip the nectar of life at least once more. She wasn’t too old – she was too young to just give up – she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life regretting what she had not done. Once Angie had eaten rose petals – she still wanted to taste the whole garden.
But her will to live was buried at the bottom of a basket of dirty clothes. It was too much trouble to look for it again. No, Angie could not scrape away the past, or get an advance on tomorrow. All she had was today.
So maybe tonight, she would treat herself to a glass of wine and watch the sun go down, like she used to do. Just one more time, she would open a present she gave herself, and act surprised. She would look inside, find her gifts, and feel alive again.